Sunday, May 28, 2006

On Parade


Yesterday, I was lucky enough to be invited to the 500 Festival Parade with Kelly and her super-fun family. These people know how to do up a parade - close parking, front row seats, cotton candy, and a cookout to follow with the best fresh margaritas, grilled steaks, and lots of cheese. I'd never been to the parade, and I got pretty excited over just about everything, including the celebrities, the marching bands, the kids, and race car drivers, and Florence Henderson. Kelly's dad told me I was a great parade spectator. Kelly's daughter, T, told me I was embarrassing. All in all, we had an absolute blast, and the weather was perfect.

After the parade/cookout at the Scanlan's, I went over to Kelly's place to soak up some sun on her back patio. Her daughter and I engaged in some mutual negotiations to get Kelly to approve T's Sunday movie plans with her boyfriend. At the age of 15, T reminds me quite a bit of myself, though I think T is a much better daughter than I was at that age. She's a great kid, but I cannot imagine the trials and tribulations of raising a teenager, especially a teenager with her first boyfriend. Oy.

I put some hours in at work today, listening to the 500 race via internet, then had dinner with my own family to celebrate my sister's birthday. I was tasked with getting the cake, but unfortunately I waited until late this afternoon to make that happen. My sister almost ended up with the hot pink-iced Barbie cake with glitter sugar on top, one of the two left in the cake cooler at the grocery store. They had a more age-appropriate alternative, but I think the Barbie cake might have been better, and certainly would have been more fun. My grandma came down with my parents. She is such an amazing woman - very full of life and words of wisdom, even since my grandfather passed away. She informed me today that she thinks the internet is the work of the devil. She also pointed out that by the age of 33, she had 5 children.

Anyhow, I'm currently sitting on the patio having a glass of wine. Milo is curled up under one of the planter stands, taking in the last bit of this evening's sun. I am loving the idea of not having to go to the office tomorrow. I brought some work home, and I plan on getting it done while lounging by the pool.

I love everything about summer (except the fuzzy hair).

Pretty as Kelly


From Kelly's backyard

Friday, May 26, 2006

Dirty Drunkards

I'm working on a dram shop case this afternoon. I found both of the following items of interest:


Hypnotic Liquor HPNOTIQ is a uniquely different and sophisticated blend that is unrivaled today. HPNOTIQ combines the most exceptional characteristics of Pure Cognac, Premium Vodka, and natural Tropical Fruit Juices to create a level of quality and taste that is refined and elegant. After a lengthy maceration, the fruits reach the climax of their aromatic flavor potential. The tropical nectars are then carefully proportioned and blended with each other. This extraordinary blend allows the consumer to enter a new world of taste and sensations as never experienced before. Hypnotic LiquorPrice: $26.46
_______________________________________________

IC 7.1-5-10-14 Sales to habitual drunkards prohibited

It is unlawful for a permittee to sell, barter, exchange, give, provide, or furnish an alcoholic beverage to a person whom he knows to be a habitual drunkard. (Formerly: Acts 1973, P.L.55, SEC.1.) As amended by Acts 1978, P.L.2, SEC.720.

Two thoughts come to mind:
1. I tried this Hypnotic once. It's nasty. But reading the description made me think about sex.
2. There is no statutory definition of "habitual drunkard."

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Looking forward to pickles

Relish:
1. An appetite for something; a strong appreciation or liking: a relish for luxury.
2. Hearty enjoyment; zest.
3. Something that lends pleasure or zest.
OR
4. A spicy or savory condiment or appetizer, such as chutney or olives.
5. A condiment of chopped sweet pickle.
6. The flavor of a food, especially when appetizing. See Synonyms at taste.
7. A trace or suggestion of a pleasurable quality.

It bothers me that this word has two such different meanings. When someone says that they "relish the thought of...", the sentiment is ruined by the fact that I think of sweet pickles rather than enjoyment, appreciation, pleasure or zest. The word has been ruined for me.

A little kinky

For the first time this year, humidity set in this morning. It rained overnight, and was hazy humid when the sun came up. I opened my patio door around 4:30am, and by the time I was out of the shower drying my hair, the air was thick. As a result, my hair is a little fuzzy today.

I love summer, but I don't like my fuzzy hair.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Gone for a week, and this is all I got

My co-workers are the loudest people I have ever worked with. I routinely close my door because I cannot deal with the loudness. Generally, I don't like loud noise. Specifically, having loud around me all day makes me bitchy. There are very few scenarios that require speaking at the decible level of a televangelist with a broken microphone, and work is not one of those scenarios. Really. I don't need to know about your hearing, your client's child custody arrangement, your deadlines, your stupid cat's hairball, or the broken printer in the mail room.

You know what else makes me bitchy? Senior associates.

On a lighter note, I just ate the best salad ever from the downstairs cafeteria. What made it so great? The red pepper/sunflower seed combo. And it was $3.50.

I fully intend on leaving promptly at 4:45pm today. I might even leave earlier. That'll show those loud talkers.

Monday, May 15, 2006

People need people, Steve. It has nothing to do with sex. OK, maybe 40 percent. 60 percent. Forget it.*

Top ten (current) reasons why having a guy around on a consistent (semi-consistent would suffice just fine) basis would help me out:

10. My closet light is burned out. I cannot reach the light fixture by standing on a chair. I am certain to wear brown shoes with black pants any day now.
9. I don't know how to drive a standard stick shift. I would like to learn so that I can drive my car like a maniac down Keystone Avenue along with the rest of the maniacs.
8. I don't get asked out to "couples events" by my married friends, not that I wanted to go to that Murder Mystery dinner party in the first place.
7. Occasionally, I would like to wake up to something less stinky than Milo's breath.
6. None of my girlfriends watch ESPN, and I've long since forgotten when Baseball Tonight is on since I'm usually watching E! without anyone reminding me that there's more to life than Brangelina.
5. We could make fun of those repulsive eHarmony commercials together.
4. I could replace that standard black & white photo of some random hot guy placed by the manufacturer in my photo collage. I could stop pretending I know who he is.
3. Sometimes I like to wear a guy's flannel pj bottoms at the end of the day and then claim them as my own.
2. Girls don't usually appreciate my Beavis & Butthead references nearly as much as guys do.
1. Men have tools that I find attractive.

* From Singles. Alternate post title: Fish without a bicycle, my ass.

Makes me laugh every damn time

"I'm leaving here in about 30 mins to drive to Lafayette for my oral argument. Very nervous. Call me if you can or I'll try to backdoor you." *snicker*

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Three Buck Chuck Love

I first learned the difference between a pinot noir and a pinot grigio at the age of 21. I took a job working at Foxfires, an upscale restaurant owned by Garfield creator Jim Davis located in Muncie, Indiana where I attended college at Ball State University. Mr. Davis had a passion for wine, and his restaurant boasted over 250 selections from a wine cellar with over 5,000 bottles of every imaginable variety. And so my love affair with wine began.

I started as a hostess and eventually worked my way up to server and bartender. All employees were required to attend monthly wine classes. We were expected to understand varietals, the regions from where they hailed, and which wine of the month would pair best with the peppered ostrich with blueberry bordeaux sauce or the smoked turkey and wild rice salad with mango salsa. When I first began, my taste leaned toward keg beer and Jim Beam. But I caught the wine bug quickly, and I spent extra time with the sommaleir learning to distinguish a fine cabernet from a mediocre one.

At some point along the way, I began dating the rep from the best wine distributor (crazy Robert), and we attended all the dinners and tastings and wine events together. He was a complete wine snob, and we argued often over good versus bad wine. He took me to Napa Valley for a whirlwind tour of the wine country in an effort to educate me a bit. Unfortunately, I don't think the experience refined my taste much since I didn't always spit during the tastings (resulting in my being drunk and unable to distinguish nuances), but it was an incredibly fun adventure even if Robert was a bit disappointed in his attempt to instill some wine sophistication in me.

I love wine. I appreciate the good stuff, which doesn't necessarily have to cost a fortune, and I absolutely enjoy an expensive red with a good meal. But I also like the not-so-good stuff, the wine you can barely call wine. Yes, folks, I'm talking about my beloved Arbor Mist.

I was just informed by the owner of my favorite liquor store - the store I've been loyal to since moving here, the store that sells fresh limes and lemons and knows me by name, the store that always carried that crappy Arbor Mist - that they will no longer be carrying Arbor Mist. Apparently, I was one of 3 people who ever bought the stuff. When I expressed my disappointment, the owner said, "Why would you drink that crap when you can drink a decent bottle for the same price?"

Because sometimes I like Arbor Mist over ice. Is that so wrong?

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Sunday afternoon porch perch

Push it real good

I've spent the majority of my day lounging around, reading on the patio, watching E! and basically doing very little. But I've earned a day off. TR and I finished the Mini Marathon yesterday - all 13.1 miles of it - in under 4 hours. Keep in mind that I went into it with zero prep, having decided to take Kelly's spot on Thursday. Had TR and I trained (okay, had I been able to keep up with her), I think we could've walked it in under 3.5 hours, and that's my goal for next year.

It was hard. The first 6 miles really were no problem - TR and I had a so much fun chatting (being snarky), enjoying the weather (getting some sun), and listening to the sideline entertainment (preachers, rockers, cheerleaders, beer-drinkers, carribean drummers, cloggers). We hit the Indianapolis Motor Speedway just before mile 7, and walking the famed 2.5 mile oval was incredibly cool. But once we got off the track, we both started feeling the pain. By mile 10, Bitchfest 2006 Amanda Style had set in, and my feet were killing me. The next three miles were absolute hell, but I was not about to get on the short bus back to the rest and recovery area. Besides, I would have missed out on some of TR's most hilarious end-of-race commentary.

So we crossed the finish line waving to the cameras, collected our medals, grabbed free bananas, and headed for the beer garden, where we shed our socks and shoes, sat in the grass and drank free beer with our free bananas. It was an excellent day, and an inspiring event for me. I am so glad that I had the opportunity (thanks, Kel) and that I finished (thanks, TR), and Idefinitely plan to do it again next year.

Of course, I can barely move today and my right big toe looks like it might fall off, but that's all relative.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Run for the Roses

My Kentucky Derby picks:

Brother Derek: Current odds 8-1, bet to win
Keyed Entry: Current odds 35-1, bet across the board
Lawyer Ron: Current odds 9-1, bet to win or place

Brother Derek is not the favorite (A.P. Warrior is the current favorite with 13-1 odds), but he's been nearly undefeated, has had great odds this week, and his trainer has a tug-at-your-heartstrings story.

Keyed Entry is my longshot (thus, the across-the-board bet). But he's got a great jockey, and I like betting on one underdog.

Lawyer Ron is on a six race win streak and his odds are good. Last year, I picked Closing Argument to win (huge longshot, but sentimental with the lawyer-theme), and he was barely nosed out for the win by Giacomo.

I love the Derby.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Learning to fly

Rising tides lift all boats. So when someone close to you experiences a windfall or especially good luck, dear Aquarius, the ripple effect reaches you. Change is in the air. And while everything that is happening is positive, sometimes you feel as though it is occurring too fast. You feel a bit off-balance, with little or no time to adjust. Even windfalls take some time to get used to. Give yourself time to settle in to your new circumstances.

This morning's horoscope is interesting in light of my feelings of being off-balance this week. I'm not sure about the windfall aspect, though a couple of my friends have been extraordinarily lucky recently. And I feel like I've had enough change lately, thank you very much. On the other hand, some things about my lifestyle could use a positive-change-overhaul. Yeah, I'm working on it.

TR and I are going to walk the Mini Marathon tomorrow morning, which should be highly entertaining. I decided to do it yesterday afternoon. I have not trained at all, unless you count walking Milo around the lake a few times a week "training." I am pretty sure I might either die at about mile 9 or end up on the slow bus for losers, but I'm going to give it my best shot. Surely I can walk 13.5 miles, even if it almost kills me, right? And besides, it should be a motivator for getting my ass in better shape this summer. Kelly registered for the event, but since she is going to be locked in her office all weekend preparing for trial, she offered her spot to me. When I'm about to pass out at mile 9, I will keep on walkin' for Kelly, who will be stuck in trial prep hell, which is not as bad as discovery hell but certainly more stressful.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Most hilarious baby face ever.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Um, is this chicken or is this fish?

I'm feeling a bit unsettled today, like something is out of balance, I've forgotten something important, or something is about to happen.

Could be that I ate cinnamon before bed last night. Or maybe my panties are on inside out (I haven't checked yet). Or possibly the fact that I am still working on discovery (life is discovery, then you die). Maybe this is what happens when you stop being polite and start getting real (and has anyone noticed that Key West Paula is giving Chicago Tanya a run for her money on being psycho?).

I can't quite figure out what it is, but I don't like the feeling one bit. I need a remedy. Suggestions?