Dating, dogs, and dating dogs
A couple of things you can count on me to post about: my dog and dating. The first, I will try to keep to a minimum, really. Dating, however, is just too damn funny to not write about from time to time. I certainly don't have hoards of men beating down my door to take me out, but occasionally I manage to get myself into some dating drama. And I am the kind of girl that will make fun of myself just for humor's sake.
I've said that dating sucks, but that really isn't the case. I got divorced last year, and I don't know if you would consider what I've been doing since then dating, necessarily, but I would not. I'll get back out there and date like a normal 30-something once I meet someone who I would consider spending time with after the first date, would not be embarrassed to introduce to my parents or friends, isn't a raging alcoholic, doesn't have massive amounts of emotional baggage, loves his mother, has a decent job, and no mullet. So far, I'm battin' zero, but I have not lost all hope yet.
That said, a few things I wish men of my recent past would keep in mind:
1. If you are dating one of my girlfriends, stop hitting on me.
2. If you are married, stop hitting on me.
3. If I work with you, stop hitting on me. That goes double if you are married.
4. If I give you my phone number after 2 glasses of wine and 2 cosmopolitans simply because my married girlfriend who has a thing for guys that look like Danny Bonaducci thinks it is a good idea, it does not mean that I am going to actually go out with you.
5. If you look like Danny Bonaducci, stop hitting on me.
6. Do not call me at 2am unless it is an extreme emergency. On this rule, I will allow one or two (if I like you) hall passes for drunk dials. It happens. However, if you are not intoxicated, I do not consider your weekly episode of manic depression my emergency.
7. If you have my number for non-dating reasons, do not use it when you are lonely or just got stood up by the girl of your dreams.
8. If you call me more than twice and I have not returned your call, stop calling me. If I was really that into you, I would have called you back. Multiple phone calls only lead me to think you are, in fact, a stalker or desperate, both of which rule you out. This rule does not apply for guys that look like a young Kevin Spacey. I haven't decided if I want to go out with him yet.
9. If we're friends, we are friends. Don't think that just because I am single and like sex that I am going to be your friend with benefits after we have been drinking together.
And finally, 10. I am not stupid. I have the best girlfriends in the world. If you are dating one of them or one of her friends, I will find out.
I've said that dating sucks, but that really isn't the case. I got divorced last year, and I don't know if you would consider what I've been doing since then dating, necessarily, but I would not. I'll get back out there and date like a normal 30-something once I meet someone who I would consider spending time with after the first date, would not be embarrassed to introduce to my parents or friends, isn't a raging alcoholic, doesn't have massive amounts of emotional baggage, loves his mother, has a decent job, and no mullet. So far, I'm battin' zero, but I have not lost all hope yet.
That said, a few things I wish men of my recent past would keep in mind:
1. If you are dating one of my girlfriends, stop hitting on me.
2. If you are married, stop hitting on me.
3. If I work with you, stop hitting on me. That goes double if you are married.
4. If I give you my phone number after 2 glasses of wine and 2 cosmopolitans simply because my married girlfriend who has a thing for guys that look like Danny Bonaducci thinks it is a good idea, it does not mean that I am going to actually go out with you.
5. If you look like Danny Bonaducci, stop hitting on me.
6. Do not call me at 2am unless it is an extreme emergency. On this rule, I will allow one or two (if I like you) hall passes for drunk dials. It happens. However, if you are not intoxicated, I do not consider your weekly episode of manic depression my emergency.
7. If you have my number for non-dating reasons, do not use it when you are lonely or just got stood up by the girl of your dreams.
8. If you call me more than twice and I have not returned your call, stop calling me. If I was really that into you, I would have called you back. Multiple phone calls only lead me to think you are, in fact, a stalker or desperate, both of which rule you out. This rule does not apply for guys that look like a young Kevin Spacey. I haven't decided if I want to go out with him yet.
9. If we're friends, we are friends. Don't think that just because I am single and like sex that I am going to be your friend with benefits after we have been drinking together.
And finally, 10. I am not stupid. I have the best girlfriends in the world. If you are dating one of them or one of her friends, I will find out.
posted by Amanda at 5:25 PM
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