'Cause I'll be rockin' this party eight days a week

I am in discovery hell this weekend. I hate discovery. I hate discovery more than I hate moths. I would rather eat moths than finish this discovery.

And because of (or in spite of) my current state of discovery hell, I am still sitting squarely at 18%. I have not found a new cause, called my grandma, given any money, or gone to church. On the other hand, I have been nice (relatively, I think), have not killed any bugs, have acted unselfishly (I let Milo sleep in the middle of the bed this morning) and have given myself a healthy dose of reality and moral consideration.

At any rate, I'm considering getting an iPod Nano this afternoon. I went over to Kelly's last night (for some lounging on her fabulous new patio furniture, pinot grigio, and mutual commiseration over discovery hell), and her T got one for her 15th birthday. T was listening to Nirvana's "Come As You Are" and she shared her earbud with me. I started to tell her the story about how much I loved Nirvana when I was in college and that I was sitting outside of Ben & Jerry's in the Village on free-ice cream-day when some kid on a skateboard told us that Kurt Cobain had committed suicide. T stopped me and said, "Yeah, Amanda, you've told me this story like three times already." Oh. Well. You'll have that.

I wonder if the Nanos come in pink.

Guilty feet have got no rhythm

If you are a successful, respectable, professional, handsome man, and you just so happen to still have a cropped brown leather jacket like this one, circa 1987, in your closet, don't be surprised if when your girlfriend finds it she a) laughs hysterically and busts out some Janet Jackson tunes, b) questions whether you and George Michael were separated at birth, c) takes a picture of said jacket so she can make fun of you with her girlfriends, or d) all of the above.

This jacket should have gone to Goodwill along with the ex-wife's leg warmers, swatch watch and neon Ocean Pacific off-the-shoulder shirts.

Caption, please?

Apparently in high school, this guy was a hot, sexy soccer player with normal hair.

This is how you remind me

TR and I had a little porch party last night. The evening was too nice to waste it inside, so we met for drinks at a Broadripple patio after work. Three drinks in, we decided to relocate the party to TR's front porch. A bottle of wine later, we decided to download some iTunes and dance around like teenagers.

Except by that point, we were both too retarded to figure out how to download anything. So we went back to the porch swing and contemplated Jewish history, whether our dogs can love us more than people can, and why we love men. And we ate way too many fabulous chocolate truffles given to us by TR's sweet husband.

Good times. LeChaim!

Girl, you know it's true

For the most part, I consider myself decent human being. I'm compassionate, giving, and usually very loving to my fellow mankind.

However, I am quite aware that I'm a truly awful person about 18% of the time. I don't know how that compares to everyone else's number on the truly-awful-going-to-Hell-scale. Maybe 18% isn't all that bad, but I'm thinking I ought to work on getting my number down closer to 10%.

Some things I can do to decrease my truly awful percentage:
* Cut back on being snarky (not fun, but probably necessary)
* Remember my morals and stick to them
* Stop killing spiders and moths
* Get my ass out of bed and go to church on Sundays, consistently
* Try to be less selfish and demanding and insistent about getting my way
* Find a new cause I am passionate about and volunteer my time
* Be nicer to people I don't like, including my neighbor and his wretched girlfriend
* Call my grandmother at least once a week, except during Wheel of Fortune
* Be more patient (this will be a true test for me)
* Start being more honest with myself (because I prefer to live in my own bubble of reality)
* Give an equal amount of money to the Humane Society as I spend on shoes this year

I'm open to more suggestions.

Just being honest with myself this morning, folks.

In through the out door

I just left the following voicemail:

"Hey - got your message. Call me back. No need to call the main line. I'll be in my office so you can get me through the backdoor."

Um, yeah. I started laughing before I could hang up. Very mature of me.

Oops, I did it again

I see that BritBrit, queen of WT, is knocked up again with yet another Federspawn.

Or maybe Maury Povich is the baby daddy this time.

Home peeps home

We returned to our offices today! Not everyone is back in the building yet and security is still very tight, but we are thrilled to be back in our own space. The only casualties suffered in my office include one plant (which was not that healthy to begin with) and the lucky bamboo (which apparently was not that lucky, either).

Not much time for creative thinking today. I've got a bazillion (yes, really a bazillion) little things to catch up on and loose ends to tie up. But at least I can actually accomplish these things with relative ease from my own comfort zone. And I had a box of lavender peeps in my desk to return to.

One of my better Mondays, I must say...

flowers, pocketbooks and getting my eyebrows waxed

I've been reviewing discovery documents this morning, but my mind has hardly been on my work.

If I spent as much time thinking creatively about work as I spend thinking creatively about other things, I'd probably be a brilliant new attorney. Instead, I am an average new attorney and brilliant in other areas of my life that don't earn me money.

And I'm okay with that.

It's taser time

If you behave in such a way that a police officer must use his taser gun on you, don't come to me wanting to sue the police. And even if you're "back spasms" are somehow related to the electrical shock you received, I will tell you that you wouldn't have shock-related-back-spasms if you hadn't been acting like a jackass in the first place.

Get over yourself, taser boy.

Supreme Court Votes to Allow Citation to Unpublished Opinins in Federal Courts

The Supreme Court on Wednesday adopted a historic rule change that will allow lawyers to cite so-called unpublished opinions in federal courts starting next year. The justices' vote represents a major milestone in the long-running debate over unpublished opinions, the sometimes-cursory dispositions that resolve upward of 80 percent of cases in federal appeals courts. Currently, four federal circuits ban the citation of unpublished opinions outright, while six others discourage it.

Article here.

Noteworthy, but rather gross, point: 9th Circuit Judge Alex Kozinski opposed the rule change, in part because the unpublished opinions are drafted "entirely" by law clerks and staff attorneys. Judge Kozinski added, "When the people making the sausage tell you it's not safe for human consumption, it seems strange indeed to have a committee in Washington tell people to go ahead and eat it anyway."

I get Judge Kozinski's point, but comparing opinions drafted by law clerks and staff attorneys to sausage unfit for human consumption is not the analogy I would have gone for.

Last evidence of destruction and working-from-home perks

Blogging has been light with the work chaos and without consistent access to the internet. We moved into temporary office space yesterday (still no phones or server/internet), which has, for the most part, brought about the end to working from home. However, we found out today that the building/city Powers That Be might let us back into our offices permanently (and while construction continues on the floors above us) by the end of next week. I can only hope! I still have not been in my office and am missing out on getting work done. I know that once I return, I will be busier than ever trying to catch up. In the meantime, the firm has worked really hard to keep things up and running.

Some more fun noteworthies from this past week:

* Plumber's Crack is not attractive. I appreciate the fact that you are fixing the pipe in our temp office so that we may have water/coffee/drainage, but please remember to wear some underwear that actually fit you next time. Or jeans with a belt. I don't want to see your ass while I'm trying to fix my sore throat with some green tea and honey. On the other hand, your ass was kinda cute.

* Decorating my patio into living space has become a bit of an obsession with me since the weather turned warm. I love to be outside. This weekend, I bought some fun chairs, table, planters and stands, but I was disappointed that the flats of flowers weren't out yet. And then, driving home this afternoon, I saw flowers being delivered to the local hardware/garden store. The flowers look like they have weathered the storms we've been through lately, and they need a little help. So I ended up leaving with a trunk-load and backseat-full of flowers, hanging baskets, two huge bags of potting soil, and coconut shell windchimes. A little love and MiracleGrow should easily transform what was a large empty patio into the peaceful, colorful garden of prettiness I always knew it could be.

* Favorite lyrics of the week: Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky. Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom cologne...

* I am the proud new owner of a pale pink straw cowboy hat.

* Milo has a new game: As soon as I turn on the shower in the morning, he bares his teeth and barks like a rabid dog, acting as if he might bite my ankles if I actually step into the bathtub. I have no idea where this comes from. I don't think I want to know.

* I am finally reading The Da Vinci Code. Interesting. Great read.

* I am behind on responding to e-mails. So if I haven't responded to the most hilarious customized chimpanzee-speaking messages sent my way, it isn't because I didn't appreciate it or laugh my ass off.

That's about all. A week in the life...

Funny stuff, even without the jazz hands

If you watch American Idol, or even if you don't watch (like me), go here to KP's blog and have a good laugh. Some very funny shiz right there about the contestants, and an unfortunate but hilarious post here (kind of like when you watch that scene from "Fargo" when the wife falls out of the shower with the curtain and you know you shouldn't laugh but you can't help yourself, and again when she tries to run through the snow blindfolded. Not funny, but sick-and-twisted-funny nonetheless) about a girl with a wooden leg AND a glass eye. Seriously.

Bird's eye view

So, we are still out of our offices, and it appears that will be the case for quite some time (anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months). Yesterday morning, building management/police allowed twelve people from our firm to access our office for 30 minutes only. Each of us reported to the department chair our essential files and whatever else we absolutely needed from our office. I was allowed to request whatever could fit in one box, so I asked that my managing partner clean off the entire top of my desk and grab a couple of files from my bookshelf. I've been unpacking and setting up to work from home this morning on the essential projects. Unfortunately, his sweep of my desk did not include my favorite pink pen, my lucky bamboo, or my desk calendar, but I think I can survive.

Fortunately, our floor did not sustain massive amounts of damage. We had a few windows broken out and some water damage in those offices, but nothing like we thought earlier in the week. Now it's just a matter of waiting until we are cleared to go back in and get the firm up and running again. For now, the partners are looking for temporary office space, and they have set up a location for us to gain access to supplies, fax, printers, and the server in the meantime. It really is a logistical nightmare, but everyone has done an amazing job of pulling together and making sure we are still in business.

Thanks to Kelly for sending the inside view picture posted here.

The good, the bad, and the brief

Our law firm is one of more than a dozen that has been displaced by the damage caused by last night's violent storms. While our floor did not sustain a direct hit, the floors above us did, and those law firms will have to contend with much greater damages and impact to their business than we do. However, none of us can return to our offices for the foreseeable future due to water damage, structural issues and falling debris. It could be quite some time before we are able to get to our offices and our files. Some may see this as an opportunity for an unexpected vacation from the daily grind. I, however, am completely stressed at the thought of not being able to do my work or take care of my cases. I have never wanted to be in my office with all its little luxuries quite as much as I want to be there right now.

The Indianapolis Bar Association has put the call out and offered to act as a clearinghouse for available office space, as well as graciously offered their own space. And the Marion County courts will accomodate the affected firms. Hoosier hospitality and the Indianapolis legal community at its best.

A northside firm took us (partner, myself and another associate, and co-counsel) in this morning so that we could continue to work on our immediate case from their office. The attorneys and staff were incredibly accomodating - offering internet access, copiers, projection equipment, coffee, and empathy. Our hearing is in a neighboring county tomorrow morning. While we could likely get a continuance based on the circumstances, we are substantially ready to go and there is no need to request a continuance. Besides, our co-counsel is here from New Orleans, and we are geared up for this hearing. The case is an emotional one, and we are all deeply invested in it, professionally and personally. Albeit the circumstances today were difficult and chaotic, but our client and our case matters so much more that the inconvenience.

Speaking of co-counsel, I had only met him via phone prior to today, and it was an pleasure to meet him in person. He is an expert at litigating this particular kind of case, and he was absolutely amazing today. Not only does he have the most charming southern presence (think Matthew McConaughey meets Harry Connick, Jr.), but he has been through much worse with his practice in the past year having been displaced himself for many weeks due to Hurricane Katrina. His perspective kept us grounded and focused on the task at hand. What the attorneys and legal system have been through in Louisiana is incomprehensible to most of us.

So, we are ready for tomorrow. The brief will be hand-delivered to the court prior to the hearing, and our strategy for the argument is ready to go. As in any adverse situation, resourceful people pull together and figure out how to get things done. I'm exhausted, but the experience has been poitgnant.

Thanks to all for the e-mails and phone calls today offering to help. I will keep you posted!

Storm briefs

Having grown up in central Indiana surrounded by corn fields, I'm used to spring thunderstorms, including those that bring about hail and tornados. I have never been afraid of the weather. In fact, as a child, I would rather risk the tornado than brave the alien crickets in my parents' cellar. In the 15 years I lived on that farm, I never did seek shelter in the cellar.

So I find unsettling that I was absolutely terrified last night when the storms ripped across Indianapolis. I ended up in the bathroom with Milo, pretty certain that we were going to be hit by a tornado. Fortunately, we were fine. Unfortunately, Milo was about as scared as I was, and he's still hiding under the bed this morning.

So, no damage here. I can't say the same for my office. I got a call from the office administrator around 1am telling me that our office building had been damaged - windows blown out on the floors above ours and structural damage. And the sprinkler system was activated, so I have no clue if my office (which is just below the damaged corner) is a soggy mess this morning. The building has been completely closed down - no access allowed.

This is not good for me. I spent the majority of last week working on a case, writing 2 briefs. One brief was filed on Friday; the other brief must be filed today in anticipation of an oral argument hearing tomorrow. I spent all day Saturday and Sunday working on this case. When I left the office last night, I placed my cases and research and all other briefs in a neat pile on my desk and saved my brief to the server, with every intention of returning to the office by 7am this morning to continue the work. I should also point out that being under the gun on time was not a result of our procrastination; opposing counsel filed 3 briefs on this case this past Monday. The managing partner on the case was out of town on Spring Break. Another associate and I have had an insane week of trying to pick up the ball and run with it.

And now this intervening act of God has thrown quite the wrench in my Monday plan. I cannot access the server from home, and I don't have copies of the prior briefs and research from opposing counsel, nor do I have any of my own notes. Just finding a way to gather all the material I need (not to mention I have no printer here, either) could take the better part of the day, and the brief still needs a lot of work. Ironically, I hauled this case back and forth with me every day last week. Sunday night was the only night I didn't pack it all up and bring it home with me. So frustrating.

I spoke with my partner on the case a little while ago. We're going to try to use someone else's office and resources today to get things ready for tomorrow's hearing, including getting the brief finished and filed today. There's a ton of work to do, but this case means a great deal to both of us. I'm sure we'll pull it off, but certainly not under the best of circumstances.

Ironically enough, our co-counsel on this case is from New Orleans. He's flying in this morning. Compared to what he's been through since Katrina, getting through today should be a piece of cake.

Wish us luck!