Recovery

It's over. I survived. I'm still in post-bar recovery mode, though.

There realy isn't anything I can say that hasn't been said before. It sucked pretty hard, but I knew it would. I have no idea how I did. I simply hope it was good enough to pass.

I partied a bit too hard after the bar exam, and I spent the better part of yesterday being deathly ill. Not even Gatorade/Excedrine helped, and I couldn't keep anything in my stomach until about 6pm last night. It could've been the 16 glasses of wine I drank, or it could have been my body responding to so much stress and pressure. Probably a bit of both. At any rate, there were a couple of true "Amanda" moments, including my smoochin' on Chuck again, my hitting on some cute plastic surgery resident (I seriously asked him what he thought of Dr. Rey from "Dr. 90210." He was less than impressed with me!), and my requesting Bon Jovi and Bjork at a very hip club. I was a mess, for sure, but I had fun.

Anyhow, I'm still tired today and feeling not myself yet. I spent the better part of the afternoon today with my girlfriend/hairdresser, Tiffany, getting my hair cut and highlighted, and I'm off to meet my friend Mark for dinner. I'll be holding off on the wine tonight, though.

Glad to be getting back to normal...

The day before...

In a few short hours, I'm going to head down to Indy and get checked into the hotel. I am going to order in dinner and review some essays, and maybe I'll catch something good on TV before bed. I know at this point studying will not make much of a difference, but I feel better having my reading glasses on and the books in my lap.

I really don't know what else I could have done to prepare for this exam. I attended every bar review lecture, including the day after my final surgery when I looked wretched and felt even worse. I've done literally thousands of practice questions. I've gone through enough highlighters and pens to supply a 1L for the whole year. But I just don't have a strong feeling of confidence going into this. I'm calm today (as opposed to Saturday), but I am unsure of whether I know enough. I guess we'll see.

At any rate, I am looking forward to getting the test behind me and moving forward. After Wednesday, life resumes again. I'll be back on Thursday with the gory details!

Retail therapy

Instead of going to church this morning, I went shopping at Target, which promptly opened at 8am for me. I hope God forgives me for skipping out, and I am considering putting an equal amount of $$ in the offering next Sunday as I spent at Target this morning just to be on the safe side. Hopefully my good intentions will get to Heaven before the Law Examiners get my essays.

My inspiration to go shopping was twofold: 1) I need a watch so I don't lose track of time during the exam, and 2) I couldn't figure out if you get your 25k spousal allowance even if you signed a prenup. If you know, please tell me.

At any rate, I now have a working watch. Actually, I had a working watch, a very nice gold one. But it was a gift from my ex, and I stopped wearing it some time ago. Then I got used to using my cell phone or computer as a time-keeper. When I dug out the gold watch, it apparently had stopped working, just like my marriage. Funny how that happens. Anyhow, I am not about to find a battery for it at this point. So, I've got a brand spanking new pink Timex with clear numbers for less than 20 bucks. Again, I love a good deal.

Unfortunately, I also bought:
* Dishtowels - they were on sale for $1 each. You can never have enough good towels in the kitchen.
* Scrubby sponges - also on sale. That $1 aisle gets me every time.
* Something for Milo, of course.
* A new bathrobe - it was linen and pretty, but not on sale.
* A new lipgloss
* A candle
* Contact solution
* Gum

So much for getting a good deal on the watch, huh. In my defense, I did put a lot of things back, and I avoided the home interiors section all together. And now I feel a little bit better.

Flippin' Out

I look relatively normal on the outside, including a chocolate-stained white tank, pink pajama pants, and crazy hair.

Inside, I am a complete and total basket case of nerves and stress. I expect the vomiting to commence at any time.

I think only one thing could save the day today, and I'm not about to get on the treadmill, open a bottle of wine, or start smoking again. Where's the garbage man when I need him?

Judge John G. Roberts

I know many of you aren't going to agree with me on this, but seriously - it could be worse. It could be worse for the liberals and worse for the conservatives. Believe me, it could've been worse either way.

That said, I'm okay with John Roberts' nomination thus far because of this: While he has proven himself to be a faithful conservative throughout his career, he has very little judicial record behind him. The interest groups can attack what he might do, but they can barely attack what he has already done. And who really knows what Roberts will do from the bench? Already, the dems are jumping all over the Roe v. Wade remarks. Rather than find it positive that he said he would uphold the law of the land (granted, that was as an appellate judge), they are jumping all over the brief he wrote for the government in which he said he thought Roe should be overturned. None of this means Judge Roberts will get on the bench and go after Roe or women's rights in general. And I know it doesn't mean that he won't do that, either.

But that's the point here. It's hard to say how Roberts will turn out, what his voting pattern will be. Look at Sandra Day O'Connor, who was thought to be a staunch conservative prior to her appointment. Her voting record over the years proved otherwise. And Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was considered moderate prior to her appointment, but she's certainly holding down the left side of the bench. Obviously, Roberts will likely maintain his conservative position and ideology for the most part, but there's room for moderation too. In his short career on the D.C. Court of Appeals, Roberts hasn't locked himself in to too many positions.

I like the fact that President Bush nominated someone young with solid legal credentials. Even many of the democrats have noted Roberts' brilliance in the law and decency as a human being. I also find his lack of judicial record appealing rather than troublesome. I think the confirmation hearing will be interesting, and I expect Chuck Schumer to continue on his ridiculous tirade against Roberts' evasive responses. Maybe we'll get some straight answers as to Roberts' views on some of these important social issues, or maybe not. Either way, I'm not going to crucify this guy right out of the gate.

Like I said, it could've been worse. Also, there's an interesting point made by Jared, my fellow Court-watcher over at Stream of Consciousness, with a link to Sentencing Law and Policy. For those of us opposed to the death penalty, Roberts may turn out to be a very good thing.

And one more small point: When President Bush was making his introductory remarks last night, did anyone else notice that he appeared to be trying not to laugh? I kept laughing because I thought he was going to bust out at any moment with the giggles. Just an observation...

Finally!

President Bush is going to announce his nominee for the Supreme Court tonight at 9pm Eastern time.

The Itchy & Scratchy Show

I've got to take Milo to the vet this morning. He's got something going on with his skin. He doesn't have fleas - I treat him religiously for the parasitic pests since there are all kinds of crazy things to get into out here. He has a bunch of little bumps around his neck, though - just like some kind of nasty bug bites. Anyhow, he's itching and scratching and seems pretty miserable. I gave him some children's Benadryl last night, but that doesn't seem to be helping, so we're off to the vet.

I don't mind taking him to the vet, although Milo isn't too fond of the experience. If I'm lucky, I'll fall into the rotation with the handsome young male vet who makes jokes about other clients and tells me what a great dog I have. Of course, Milo is generally well-behaved while we're there, so the vet has no clue what a little moster I really am raising here, but I love the validation nonetheless.

I started to worry about taking the time out of studying and thought about asking my dad to take Milo for me, but then I got a grip. A trip to the vet is a good excuse to put down the Negotiable Instruments and flirt with a cute man who likes my dog. Negotiable Instruments kind of pales in comparison, really.

Update: We've returned from the vet. Milo has a skin infection related to an allergy of some sort. He got a shot and some antibiotics, and he seems much better already. Unfortunately, we didn't get the cute doc, but Milo did try to go after an ugly little rat terrier in the waiting room. The dog belonged to a pinched older woman with coiffed hair, and the dog and owner shared a strong resemblance, both in appearance and uppity, snotty attitude. I tried not to laugh inappropriately when Milo started growling, but it was pretty funny.

Outrageous

This story made me sick this morning: A T-ball coach allegedly paid one of his players $25 to hurt an 8-year-old mentally disabled teammate so he wouldn’t have to put the boy in the game, police said Friday.

This rat bastard coach deserves some seriously awful, painful punishment for this. That 8-year-old was autistic, and probably just wanted to be part of a team. And this is T-ball, for God's sake, not the World Series, not that it would matter if it were the World Series. Apparently, it was a 7-year-old teammate that stepped up and ratted out the coach.

I absolutely hate mean people.

Let's make a deal

Late last night I was channel surfing before bed. I usually flip right over the three home shopping network channels, but last night I couldn't get by without noticing these fabulous handbags - totes and matching wristlets and all-weather barrels, all in great colors - and the name "Dooney & Bourke" across the screen. You've got to be kidding - QVC was selling Dooney & Bourke bags for pennies, and I loooove handbags of all kinds! I love a good deal even more. I sat up in bed, adjusted my glasses, and started looking around for my wallet. I exhibited amazing restraint, though. Who needs to be buying handbags from the TV at 10pm on a Saturday night? Shallow, I know. I do love the bags, though. I promised myself I'd get one when I pass the bar. When...

Anyhow, it must be a good deal weekend around here because I just booked a room at the Hyatt Regency Indianapolis downtown for a mere $63/night for next week's bar exam, which is about one quarter what the rooms normally cost. I gambled on waiting until the last minute, hoping that Hotwire or Priceline would have a good deal on remaining rooms, and I won this hand with Hotwire. I feel lucky today. Maybe I should go check QVC again...

Gone campin'... sort of

I get distracted when I study. At home, at school, in my bedroom, at the library, even in the quiet room when I'm alone. Perhaps it is an excuse, as I'm known to think of the best excuses to get out of unpleasantries. But I find myself looking out the windows at the grass, staring across the room at the old people reading newspapers, watching the frazzled mothers dragging their noisy children through the stacks of books, wondering exactly how many more hours I will force myself to study, which eventually leads me to questioning my odds of passing this exam and going over the options should I not pass, including whether its feasible to open a daycare for dogs and whether I can get my sister to come work for me. And then I snap back to reality and realize I've been staring at the same old man for 10 minutes and I've marked on my face with a highlighter.

It's pathetic, really. I would be unemployed if my study habits mirrored my work habits, but I just hate to study. I can work for hours uninterrupted on a brief or a pleading or research. But studying just seems inherently unproductive to me, although I am sure in a few short years when I have been working my ass off billing hours and hours of productive work for clients, I will yearn for the days of unproductive studying.

Well, at any rate, today I found a new place to study that might just make these final 10 days as productive as they need to be. My parents set up their camper/RV out back with the intentions of getting it ready for some weekend travel, but I've taken it over as my own personal war room. I hauled all my bar crap out there, pumped up the air conditioner, and went to work. No computer access, nothing to stare at, no loud kids, I can wear my Curious George pajama pants all day if I want.... I got much more done today than I anticipated. And thank GOD for that because time is running out.

Of course, I'd rather be camping...

A little ironic...

Several people have suggested ear plugs for people like me. I never used them during law school exams because I knew I would like having something stuffed in the ear canal even less than the distractions around me, but I decided to give them a try during both of this week's practice exams.

But I can't breathe very well when I use them. Sometimes I have to take the left one out, and then I can breathe better. What the hell is that all about? Anyway, I'm going to take two into the exam, but I'll probably only use one. One green plug, sticking out of my right ear. Nice.

I'm so tired of this bar exam study. I know that those of you who have been through this before know what we're going through, and those of you who haven't been through it have been wonderful to commiserate with. I appreciate it all - really, I do. It's tedious, and I think the hardest thing is simply going through it, not necessarily what you have to learn along the way. Handling the stress and pressure is more exhausting than working through the outlines and problems. So much rides on this one exam, and that thought alone can really psyche you out if you let it.

I've tried not to obsess too much, although my parents would likely disagree with that since they've had a front row seat to my insanity for the past six weeks. The exam is supposed to test for "minimal competence." Minimal competence, my ass! I think those who pass this wretched exam are certainly above minimal competence in black letter law, yet still dangerous on the streets as new attorneys. Isn't it ironic?

Stop breathing

Loud breathers - can they not hear themselves breathing, and if so, why don't they breathe more quietly? I'm not talking about people who just ran up the stairs and are out of breath. I'm talking about the old man sitting too close to me in the quiet room of this library, breathing so loud through his nose that he might as well be snoring. He's just one of many loud breathers I've noticed lately. I might have to spend the next two weeks with earplugs permanently stuck in my ears. Please people - control your bodily noises before I snap!

Really - this isn't too much to ask, is it?

A bit of bar study wisdom from Dr. Seuss ~

"How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?"

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go."

"Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!"

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."

No fun at all

I'm getting ready to head out for Indy and the law school library. I'm afraid that if I don't force myself into a restrictive atmosphere today, I will waste most of the day taking "study breaks" instead of actually studying. And there is so much left to do and only 16 days in which to do it. Apparently, no one needs a quiet place to do anything on summer Sundays in my hometown. Both libraries here are closed on Sundays, so I'll make the hour commute to Indianapolis in hopes of a productive afternoon.

Fields of dreams

I love Indiana cornfields in July. The brilliant green stalks of new corn stretch across the fields from the edges of the country roads to the horizon, swaying in the breeze and soaking up the sun.

I've was surrounded by the cornfields throughout most of my childhood. My family grew a small lot of corn, along with beans and tomatoes. As a kid, we played in the fields in the summer, and in the fall, we shucked Indian corn and fed handfuls to the horses for treats, or corned the house of Old Man Grimm down the road at Halloween. Nearly everyone I knew got their first job at the age of 13 detassling corn.

I didn't appreciated how beautiful the farmlands here were until I moved out west in my 20's. Colorado was breathtaking, and I'd never seen anything like the Rocky Mountains. The color of the peaks, and the sharp, jagged tops of the mountains piercing the sunset was just awesome. But there were no cornfields in Denver, at least not like in Indiana. There were no rolling waves of soybeans in the fields, no combines in the fall to bring in the harvests. I had no idea how much I liked the fields until I missed them.

Around my house, we live for the summer corn from local fields. We wait, and wait, and wait. We don't buy corn from the grocery because we wait for the local farmers to pull their trucks up to the side of the road with the bed piled high with corn from the fields, or for the wives to start setting up their vegetable stands on the outskirts of town with their Indiana peppers and tomotoes and melon, green beans and onions. And corn. Unfortunately, the season doesn't last nearly long enough. The stands close up by the end of August.

The pick-up trucks pulled up this morning, overflowing with corn. It's a happy day around here!

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Good things:
Fred Thompson
Peanutbutter & jelly sandwiches
Excedrine migraine
Flip-flops
Priceline.com
My mom

Bad things:
Rat bastard terrorists
Studying for the bar
Feeling betrayed by a friend
The price of gas
SallieMae
The thought of Britney & that ugly man of hers raising twins.

Ugly things:
Rat bastard terrorists
My practice test scores

SUPREME news

Finally - news of much greater importance than the TomKat trainwreck.

Sandra Day O'Connor is leaving the Supreme Court. I sure didn't see this one coming, although she has served 24 terms and is 75 years old. Still, I'm a bit sad to see her go. Justice O'Connor has always been my favorite Supreme. She is an amazing woman, steadfast in her opinions and not afraid to be moderate or cast her swing votes. I hope President Bush appreciates the necessity of appointing a Justice who will continue to balance the Court as O'Connor has done. Unfortunately, I'm not holding my breath for such a nomination coming from this president.

In other Court news, Deb posted a very fun link in a comment under "Taking the farm" about an attempt to serve up some eminent domain medicine to Supreme Court Justice Souter, who voted with the majority last week allowing a city to use the power of eminent domain to seize private property for economic development purposes. Apparently an activist, angered by the Court's property rights decision, has submitted a proposal to the town of Weare, New Hampshire calling for the seizure of Souter's home so that a hotel can be built on the site. The activist claims the hotel would bring increased economic development and a higher tax revenue for the small town. My favorite part of the proposal is the name of the hotel - the "Lost Liberty Hotel," with a dining room called the "Just Desserts Cafe."

Poor little thing

I'm going on record to say that I don't feel the least bit concerned about Katie Holmes and the weird hold Tom Cruise has over her. In fact, I find it mildly entertaining in light of how boring my life currently is.

Let's see - she's a gorgeous, rich 26-year old woman. He's a gorgeous, rich mega-star. I'm supposed to feel sorry for these people? Or worry about them? I don't think so. Katie Holmes is old enough to make her own decisions and judgments when it comes to men. Clearly, she can see what a complete whack-job he is. Maybe she really has fallen in love. Or maybe she's just giddy and star-struck. So what if he's a Scientologist freak? So what if he's converted her or brainwashed her or scouted potential starlet victims prior to Katie? Personally, I find him very creepy and intense and arrogant and short, but she's a grown woman. Maybe she likes him.

Seriously, folks. I've fallen for worse than Tom Cruise in my life. I once dated a guy that thought McDonald's was the work of the devil (okay, that might have been a valid opinion, but the guy has never eaten a Big Mac), sat in front of a light box every night to ward off depression, bleached every surface in the kitchen after each use, and very nearly converted me to the Catholic faith. As creepy as he is, if Tom Cruise wanted to sweep me off my feet on that motorcycle of his, I too might have gone along for the ride. For a minute, anyway.